Who Wants Cake?

Where am I at?  Right now I’m thinking about spring, wondering when the weather will get the memo that it’s time to warm up, the snow and cold need to go.  With my spring thinking my mind wanders to spring cleaning, there are so many things here that need to be organized and purged, that’s old news, I know.  

Then my mind wanders to spring clothes, dressing lighter, wearing dresses.  I love dresses, I am a dress addict and am constantly in search of the next perfect dress.  I just bought two new ones this week on the cheap, striped tank dresses that I can’t wait to wear.  But there is one in particular that I bought a month ago in my favourite neighbourhood store that I’m saving for my anniversary next month.  I take it out of the closet sometimes and just look at it, it’s so pretty.  I tried it on the other night, and it felt a little snug around the waist, it fit nicely in the store!  

I took it off and felt a bit sad, but then decided it will be my “goal dress”.  I can fit into it again.  I’ve been eating okay lately, but it’s time to get serious.  I know, again, old news.

There are special occasions coming up, next month my 7 year wedding anniversary, 14 years with the Hub altogether and in May, my 42nd birthday(!)  I want to look amazing for these times.  That may sound shallow, but so be it.  It’s how I feel.

I’ve been a bit of an emotional mess lately still, and it may sound funny, but when I go to work brunch on the weekends I look forward to the time I have to get ready and travel there. The house is quiet, I don’t have to speak to anyone, which is nice because honestly some days I get tired of the sound of my voice saying the same things over and over to my small people. The streets are pretty quiet too, as well as the bus, it really is nice.

Setting up for brunch service is methodical and straight forward. I write down my ideas for the day’s specials, get them ready and save my favourite part for last-baking something sweet to sell in the front. I usually do scones one day, muffins the next. But lately I have been really into muffins since I found a recipe that is simple and tastes so good every time.

When I first tried the recipe the muffins turned out smaller than I wanted, so the next time instead of a dozen I made eight and was happy with the size, but not happy with the yield, I wanted twelve! So I reworked the recipe until I got the desired result, mostly adding some extra liquid and swapping some of the white sugar with brown. I admit, there was no science behind what I did, I just went on instinct and thankfully it worked. I even went as far as adding a 1/4 cup of cornmeal to the batter because I like the colour it adds and the touch of sweetness and texture. Oh, and also a splash of maple syrup because I love the stuff.

It’s for this reason that I don’t post recipes in my blog, I always change them from the original, I worry that what works for me may not work for somebody else. But I have literally become obsessed with these muffins and felt like sharing.

Easy Morning Muffins with Raspberries

(adapted from The Art & Soul of Baking, Sur La Table with Cindy Mushet)

2 cups all purpose flour

1/4 cup cornmeal

1/3 cup sugar

1/3 cup brown sugar plus 2 tablespoons

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

Pinch of salt

3/4 stick (3oz) unsalted butter

Finely grated zest of 1 lemon

1 1/2 cups buttermilk (you can use whole milk too)

2 large eggs, room temperature

1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

2 tablespoons pure maple syrup

1 half pint basket (6oz) fresh raspberries or 1 1/4 cup frozen (do not defrost)

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 400 F and position oven rack in the center. Line the muffin pan with paper muffin cups. Place the flour, cornmeal, 1/3 cup of each sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl. Whisk to blend thoroughly. In a medium skillet, melt the butter with the lemon zest (this will help to bring out the flavour of the zest and distribute it evenly in the batter). Turn off the heat. Add the buttermilk to the melted butter and let the mixture sit for 1-2 minutes, just until it’s tepid. Pour the butter mixture into a medium bowl, add the eggs, vanilla and maple syrup, and whisk until well blended.

Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients. Pour the butter mixture into the well and stir gently with a rubber spatula. Mix only until there are no more streaks of flour or pools of liquid and the batter looks fairly smooth. A few small lumps scattered throughout are fine-they will disappear during baking. Gently fold in the raspberries until evenly distributed in the batter.

Use an ice cream scoop or 2 spoons to divide the batter evenly among the lined muffin cups. Stir together the remaining brown sugar and the cinnamon and sprinkle over the tops of the muffins.

Bake the muffins for 18-20 minutes, until the tops are firm and a skewer inserted into the centers comes out clean. Transfer the muffin tin to a rack and let cool for 5 minutes. Gently remove the muffins from the pan and transfer to the rack to finish cooling (careful, these are tender while hot). Serve warm or room temperature.

When completely cool, the muffins can be stored, wrapped in plastic or sealed in a resealable plastic bag, at room temperature for 2 days. They can also be frozen for up to 1 month, wrapped tightly in plastic wrap and then sealed in a resealable plastic freezer bag.

The variations to this recipe are endless. I’ve replaced the raspberries with apples and cheddar, chocolate chunks and bananas, pears, oats and orange zest, blueberries, I could go on, I’m still figuring out different combinations. Whipping up a batch at work or home is quick, easy and instantly relaxes me. Baking is my therapy.

I’ve been down in the dumps the last couple of weeks, generally feeling blah and going about life with little enthusiasm or interest.  I tell myself every day that today will be the day that I’ll eat better and take a ride on my exercise bike, but then I eat a brownie for breakfast and the next thing I know it’s almost dinner time and I’ve barely done anything around here and the place is a disaster.  It’s a cycle that keeps repeating itself on my days off, and it bothers me.

I end up beating myself up in my head, sometimes very harshly, thinking I should just give in to the fact that I’m not determined enough, that I don’t have enough willpower, that I’m weak.  Then another part of my brain thinks, why do I do this to myself?  I tell the Lady all the time that she’s beautiful, lovable, not to worry about what other kids think, that she’s the boss of herself, that she can do anything if she puts her mind to it, yet I don’t believe it when others tell me the same.  Just typing the last line has got me all teary eyed.

I need to make a real change and it has to start with my inner dialogue.  A friend on Facebook said in her status the other day that instead of giving up foods that she loves for Lent, that she would give up the negative things that she tells herself.  She said giving up foods is easy, but negative talk, giving that up is the hardest.  I believe it, I know it.  But I need to try.

I didn’t go out the night of my last post, the snowstorm was pretty bad and we decided better safe and cozy than dealing with the crazy roads and cold.  Tonight is the night to go out instead, and I’m looking forward to it.  Nothing like a good girl/mom night out to rev up my mood, and there will probably be some tasty greasy food consumed, and I will enjoy it and not feel bad about it.  I’ll try, anyways.  One step at a time.

It has been snowing here since last night and the snow has not let up.  The Lady’s school wasn’t closed and the Hub is working the day shift so it’s just me and the Babe, hanging out.  Lately with the cold weather all I want to do is bake stuff, delicious sweet comforting treats that warm the house and my belly. 

It’s been nice having a quiet day in, even went down the hall to my brother’s place for lunch since they were all home too.  When we came back it was nap time for the Babe, which gave me just the right amount of time to whip up a few treats.

Brownies are one of the Hub’s weaknesses, and we make a really good coffee brownie at work that I’ve got him hooked on.  Me, I like the soft chewy kind, with no nuts and extra chunks of chocolate to make them extra decadent.  And the ones I made today are just that, this is actually the second batch I’ve made this week, and the batter can also baked into cookies too, I’ll try that next time.

I also made a batch of my favourite cookies, the chocolate cherry toffee oatmeal ones that I made for Christmas.  I seem to always have the ingredients for those on hand without really thinking about it.  A friend mentioned them to me today, I started craving them, and now I have a fresh batch ready to be eaten.

Every weekend for brunch at work I bake some sort of baked good, usually muffins or scones.  I stumbled upon a super easy muffin recipe as I was trying to find some new ideas and these turn out beautiful every time.  They are not too sweet, a little crumbly and I can’t stop after eating just one.  I had frozen blueberries, so I made blueberry lemon ones, but the recipe is pretty flexible so changing up the fruit and flavours is simple.

Now the Babe is up and I have tomato sauce with mushrooms simmering on the stove.  The Lady is at a playdate and the Hub will be picking her up after he’s done work, very soon.  Dinner will be ready for them as I get ready to go out with some mom friends.  Yup, I’m going to venture out into the storm.  I’ve had a lovely snow day, looking forward to my snow night.

I’m not much of a drinker, I’m lucky if I can get through a whole beer or glass of wine these days. But a couple of days ago I went to our better-late-than-never holiday staff party, and I was ready to have a few, shared with good company and with delicious food at a restaurant I’d been meaning to check out for a while.

I felt nervous as I got ready, I don’t know everyone very well, I still feel like a newbie even though I’ve been working there for almost 6 months. The Hub had taken the night off to stay home and look after the girls, and the thought crossed my mind to blow off the party and stay home and relax with them, but I knew I would regret it. It was going to be nice to get to know my co-workers outside the kitchen and have a few laughs.

When I arrived I decided that red wine would be my drink for the night, and told myself to keep the pace light and not get too wasted. For the first couple of hours, I did just fine.

For dinner we were served a buffet of different tacos, and we were able to build our own with a variety of yummy toppings. There was braised oxtail, chipotle chicken, deep fried cod, veggies, plus some salsas, guacamole, pickled cabbage, hot peppers, it was the kind of food I was in the mood for and went well with the cozy vibe that was starting to happen. I tried the chicken and cod, with plans of going back for more, but I got caught up in chatting and being social, something I don’t do often. There was also talk that there would be fried chicken later in the night so I thought I would hold out for that. But the tacos were so good, that’s for sure.

My glass of wine seemed to always be full, so I really have no idea how much I was drinking, but I was feeling warm and just buzzed enough. The room was starting to get a little louder as gifts were exchanged and the owners all gave their speeches and cheers. It felt nice to be part of something again, it’s been a while. Then, it was time to do some shots, and that’s when my memory gets fuzzy.

My longtime friend that got me the job in the first place was at work finishing up and wanted some us to come back for a drink, but the party didn’t look like it was moving any time soon, so I left with another guy and met up for one last drink. It was good to get some fresh air too, and for me the night needed to end soon. I didn’t need that last drink, but I was glad to see my friend and finish off the night. I got home at 3 in the morning, and once I was in that familiar space I realized how drunk I actually was. Straight to bed, it was 3:15am.

When my alarm went off at 7:15am I made myself get up and get ready for work and school for the Lady. It was my first hangover in at least 4 years, and I wanted to die. When I got to work the smell of the kitchen made me nauseous, I had to sit for a while before I could gather my thoughts together. I knew I needed to just push past my queasy stomach and get to work. By 11am I started to feel better, just so tired. Never again, I kept thinking, never again. I’m too old for this, but also have enough self awareness to know this won’t be the last time. The lesson here is to remember to book the day after off, right?